Consider carefully any decision to contact Tom Hopkins. Virtually everyone who has ever contacted Mr. Hopkins has lived to regret that decision, if only because of the high pun count (which is reason enough.) Proceed with ice cream caution. Beware if there is a dog door in the house. Tressed pastors will be prosecuted. Continue beyond this boink at your own risqué. Dick Cavett emptor. Don't do the Puyallup (you've been given Fair warning!) In any case, I wash my hands of all responsibility - which, here's a little household tip, happens to come off best with Boraxo.

Now, if all of the above hasn't discouraged you from moving forward with this ill-considered idea, here's the necessary contact information: email Tom Hopkins

Note: The photograph above shows Tom Hopkins, looking far too regal in his domain as owner of The Vocal-Free Zone Music Studio. Think of it as domain poisoning, which can be identified by the following tell-tale symptom that surfaces while seated in that iconic chair: "Captain, I'm givin' it all she's got!" "Thanks, Scotty." "Bones, go down and see if you can give him a hand." Etc. Sadly, the condition has no cure.